


If This Becomes Goodbye

by Afoolforatook



Series: An Anthology of Affection [24]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fear of loss, Grief, M/M, No Beta, Ozpin mention, Past Qrow/Summer, Pyrrha mention, Ruby mention, Summer mention, brief alcoholism mention, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25415071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Afoolforatook/pseuds/Afoolforatook
Summary: Some people think that if you don't say goodbye it means you're sure that it won't be.But goodbye is too precious, too rare, a thing to take for granted.---------------------Part 24Saw a post of kissing prompts. Liked a bunch of them. Decided to give myself a daily challenge to get myself actually publishing things while I work on bigger projects.One prompt a day. Under 1500 words (or close to it).
Relationships: Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi, Qrow Branwen/Summer Rose
Series: An Anthology of Affection [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805008
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	If This Becomes Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> More spontaneous angst..... Everyone's totally fine, just... scared.
> 
> Also, little heads up: Tomorrow is the halfway point of the (original) prompt list. I think I'm going to take a couple of days off from Anthology after tomorrow as a bit of a break, but mostly as a chance to get a number of things I have almost ready for bigger fics done. Hopefully, I'll still be posting every day during that break, just not for Anthology.

Prompt 24 - Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

If This Becomes Goodbye

\-------------------------

“Clover, I’m not having this conversation right now!” Qrow snapped, pushing up from the table and starting towards the door. 

Clover’s hand on his wrist stopped him. 

“Qrow, just hold on. I just want to understand why you’re so upset!” Clover pleaded, and Qrow couldn’t tell if the tremor in his partner's hand was from anger or sadness. 

He laughed sadly as he turned to face him. “Why I’m upset? Fine, Clover. You want to know why I’m upset? You’re reckless!" He pulled his wrist from his boyfriend's hold, turning away, unable to look at him while he let the fear finally boil over.

"You’re smart. You’re skilled. You go on about how you don’t want to get by on your semblance and you work so hard to prove that your success isn't just luck, and you do - over and over- but you still use it as an excuse to pull needless, cocky, stunts!” Qrow was working to keep his voice steady, trying not to yell, but he felt it sitting in his chest heavy and toxic. 

“Qrow, I’ve told you, I don’t just do things like that out of nowhere" Clover replied, his voice a bit strained.

He looked almost hurt at Qrow's outburst, and if his head wasn't so busy with the panic, the anger, coursing through him, Qrow would feel guilty for that. 

"I pay attention. I make an informed judgment call. I know I have my stunts but I only pull them, I only rely on my semblance, when I’ve fully assessed the situation.” Clover's voice still sounded a bit rough, but he stayed calm. He knew Qrow. He knew this wasn't just angry. There was something bothering him, something pushing him to lash out like this. And as much as that wasn't fair, wasn't okay - right that moment wasn't the time to try to convince him of that. 

“Qrow, I just don’t get why you’re so angry all of the sudden. Everything went fine today, and this is just a simple mission that'll take a few days at most. I'm just trying to understand what happened to get you upset like this.”

“You fight beside _ME_ Clover! Every call you make to rely on your semblance in the field when I’m there is a risk! What if one day you flick that damn pin and assume it works. And then it doesn’t. Because I’m there!" His fists were clenched, shaking, at his sides.

“It… It’s risky enough fighting with the kids. But at least they know, they take it into account and don’t take unnecessary risks. But you! You wink and back flip off cliffs because you know you’ve got a safety net. But you don’t know! Not when I’m there. O-or what if one day it sticks to you and even when I'm nowhere near you it ends up putting you in danger!” 

“Qrow that’s not fair, you know that's not how it-.”

“No shit.” Qrow laughed as he said fair, cutting him off before he could finish. 

“That’s not what I mean and you know it." Clover replied, his voice a little sharper. "But I still don’t get how that relates to you being mad about me going on this mission? You aren’t going. If _that’s_ what you're worried about, then why-"

"Because, Clover! Because you act like it’s no big deal, like there’s nothing to worry about. Like you can stand here and kiss my cheek and say you’ll see me in a few days and know for sure that that’s going to happen. And you don't know that!"

The dam broke, the anger and fear tumbling from him as he barely managed to not full-on scream at the man before him. It wasn't him. He knew it wasn't Clover. It was his fear, his pain. But he was furious that Clover somehow couldn't see something that felt so obvious, so inevitable, to Qrow.

"I swear sometimes it's like you think that if we don’t really say goodbye, then we know that nothing will happen. But we don't. We can’t." He walked away from Clover, guilt already creeping in slower as the first wave of unleashed anger passed. He stood in front of the couch, looking the small living area over as if looking for something.

Clover saw his fists open finally, only to angrily, anxiously flick his fingers in some simple pattern as he began to speak again. 

"I’m scared something will happen to you because of me when I am there and I’m scared something will happen when I’m not there to help you. I.. Fuck. FUCK!" He fell back onto the couch managing at least to stay sitting upright as his palms pushed hard against his eyes until he saw spots dancing in the dark around him. 

Clover was by him in an instant, kneeling beside his partner, his hand hovering over his knee. “Qrow-” 

"Clover… Do… do you know how many times I have lost someone without even realizing?"

The question hung there between them as Clover sank onto the floor next to him, an idea of what was going on just starting to form. He let Qrow continue. 

"Without having any idea that something had happened? How much time I’ve spent trying to figure out where exactly I was when someone I cared about, someone who needed me, died?" Clover stayed silent, watching as Qrow pulled at his face anxiously.

"With Oz... at least I know I was doing something important. I was trying to protect the kids, trying to find some way through the chaos during the fall. I… I just barely made it to Ruby. And I… I was too late to help Pyrrha… that poor kid… But Oz… Oz wasn’t even on my radar, I hadn’t even thought to worry about him because… well… He’s Oz. He’s the definition of having always been there. So the idea that he could… But then…" Qrow finally dropped his hands from his face, his head falling back onto the couch as Clover saw the hint of tears in his eyes.

"But then...all those hunters. The closest things I had to friends while I was out on my own. People I went to school with. People who helped show me that what the tribe wanted me and Raven to do… It wasn’t right..." He laughed angrily, a broken scowl twisting his face.

"And most of them, I couldn’t even tell you when they died. But It’s a safe bet that during most of their last moments, _I_ was tucked away feeling sorry for myself in some shit bar. And then S-”

His voice caught in his throat and Clover saw his fists clench again, along with his eyes. He didn't open them as he spoke.

“Summer. I just… I just let her go alone. We each went alone all the time. No big deal. And then… nothing. No idea if she was okay or if she needed help and if she did, where she was… I…"

Qrow finally met his eyes and his heart ached at the defeated sadness there, the tired, reflexive humor in his broken, almost smile.

"Clover, I don’t know where I was when she died because I have no idea when it actually was. Was it before we ever got worried? Was it after I had left to find her? My… my best friend... My… my partner died and there wasn’t anything. There wasn’t some special connection or sense that something was wrong. There wasn’t a nameless emptiness in my chest. She was just there. And then suddenly not only was she gone but… but she had been gone without me even realizing. I had been picturing her off doing her work, protecting her family, and she didn’t even exist anymore. I..” 

He looked at Clover softly, sadly, the pained laughter now gone completely. Clover saw the transition of him grieving an old loss, to dreading a future one. 

“I… I’m terrified of you going out alone and then finding out that something had happened to you and I felt nothing. I had no idea. I was oblivious while you suffered. So when you go, I can’t just _not_ worry. I can’t feel safe and calm. Because at any moment you could be dying and I would have no idea. So. So when you say it’s just a little trip. It’s just a simple mission. When you act like you can just slip away easily without really saying goodbye because 'of course, it won't actually be goodbye'… Or when I think that you could stake your life on luck, no matter how good it might be?" He paused, rubbing his face again, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"I can’t do that Clover. I can't. I can’t push down all that fear and worry, knowing that - if the worst happened - I didn’t get to say goodbye. Again."

He looked up, still leaning forward, his eyes desperate for Clover to understand.

"So when you come in here all chipper and like nothing’s any different than any other day. And kiss my cheek before you tell me you’ll be back in a few days because of a mission… Like... like that doesn’t make my heart immediately stop?" His jaw clenched as he took a deep breath, forcing himself not to look away from his partner. 

"Yeah, Clover. That pisses me off. _That’s_ what’s got me so upset. Because somehow you still don’t see that you being so sure that everything will turn out fine, whether I’m there or not? That’s not comforting, Clover. It’s not reassuring or just being optimistic. It’s nauseating. It’s horrifying. Because maybe I shouldn’t be so concerned all the time but...Clover, I’m not going to let myself assume you’ll always be fine, and then be blindsided all over again." Qrow finally eased some, taking the hand that Clover had never quite rested on his knee.

He looked at Clover's fingers, tracing faint scars and veins as he spoke, his voice softer than before.

"I’m not going to tell you not to do your job. I’m not going to let my fear keep you from living your life. But I’m _not_ letting you stand there and act like everything is, and always will be, so certain that you don’t need to really say goodbye to me.” 

Clover stared at him for a few more moments before surging up, his fingers snaking through his hair and pulling him into a hard, deep, urgent kiss. As he felt Qrow crumble under the weight of it, sinking against him as the fear at the core of his anger finally broke, Clover backed off slowly, stroking Qrow’s cheek. He felt long fingers curling, shaking, in his hair. 

“I’m sorry. Qrow… I’m so sorry. I thought it would help… I was wrong. I promise, baby bird. I promise I will always fight to make it back to you. But if… if I don’t... I won’t let it have been without giving you a chance to say goodbye. Without telling you how much I love you.”

He kissed him again, desperate and apologetic as he tried to leave a part of himself there on Qrow’s lips. They pulled each other close, fingers winding through hair as they each fought to make sure that this goodbye - if that's what it became - could never be taken from them. 

Finally, Clover pulled away, his eyes deep and apologetic. 

“I’m so sorry, Qrow. But I... I have to go. I…” He gripped his hands tighter in Qrow’s hair - feeling his partner do the same - and pulled him forward, pressing their foreheads together fiercely.

“I love you, Qrow.” A searing, ingraining kiss.

“I’ll be back in a few days… I love you.”

They had said it so many times. But it was different then. It was deeper, baser. It was as solid and ever-present as the ground beneath them. 

Qrow kissed him again, leaving his lips barely touching as he spoke. 

“You damn well better be, boy scout.” Another kiss and Clover felt more than heard the whisper pressed to his lips. 

“I love you, Clover. I love you.”

And then Clover dragged himself away. And within a few days, he was back, perfectly well, all as expected.

But he kept his promise.

He never left without ensuring that Qrow always had his chance to say goodbye. Both praying that it would never actually become that. 

**Author's Note:**

> I genuinely started this one thinking it'd be a little spicy.... and then I remembered that I had the start of that argument from a scratched attempt at a prompt a few days ago and knew what to do with it..... This also could have been for the prompt I skipped - 'A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.' but I wanted to leave that one open for fluff later on. 
> 
> \---------  
> There were 50 prompts originally, but I've already thought of a few more. Also had multiple ideas for a few, which is why some might be listed as chapter 1, with a future version of the prompt coming later.
> 
> Might not end up sticking strictly to the daily thing, but I'll do my best. Either way, here's an ongoing series of little moments.
> 
> Original prompt list - https://kashimalin-fanfiction.tumblr.com/post/178524845380/50-types-of-kisses-writing-prompts
> 
> Might edit here and there later, but the goal here was to just finish something, even if it's not perfectly polished.


End file.
